Modellahz diaries

Saturday, 5 December 2015

Resilience

Dear Diary,

Its the 5th of December 2015 and some minutes past 12 am and I suddenly have the urgency to blog. Its been a while! I actually thought i had lost my Sign in details that is if i can call it that.
Its almost a year since i stopped working, that i would discuss in my next post. Its been pretty good, i won't say rough as a Christian we don't profess negativity..lol. I'm not used to asking for money or begging for money.
I went from earning thousands of naira to barely being unable to buy anything. I put in my CV in so many companies and its either they cant pay me or i'm overly qualified or they just sit on it! So many job promises, yet nothing positive. It's not been easy but God has been faithful. All this while i have been relying on my darling husband. So unlike me, I went from independent to overly dependent. I have thought of starting up a business but capital has been a problem. So many ideas in this head of mine, so i'm left waiting for a miracle or a breakthrough. This period has not only humbled me but has thought me a few things. I'm learning as each day comes,some days I cry as hard as I can, some days I go into depression, some days I vent on my husband, some days I just feel redundant,hopeless and helpless. Poor man I wish he could see my soul and know what I'm going through on the inside,this change is something I have found difficult adapting to.
This is so unlike me, i adapt quickly to change! Will you blame me? How do you expect someone to adapt to such change.. 2015 has been a long year, I didn't think it'd take me this long to get a job. Hubby has been supportive,kind and loving. He has tried his best to make sure I'm comfortable but hey...my mama raised an independent woman. lol.. 2016 is fast approaching,Ii'm committed to making positive changes. I'm hopeful that it's going to bring loads of good tidings...hehehehe... Let's talk later mama has got to sleep.

Xoxo